(Donna Butler Douglas is a freelance composer and graphic designer, and a conference organizer for the National Rural Health Association. She and her husband Gary live in Olathe and attend Church of the Resurrection (United Methodist) in Leawood, KS.)
I used to have a love/hate relationship with Christmas. As a church musician for many years, the demands of my job often outweighed the joys of the season. With music at the center of Advent and Christmas Eve services, expectations were high. I pondered each year how I would out-perform my efforts from the previous year, giving my all annually in leading choirs and carolers, and offering meaningful worship for others. This myriad of chaos often came at the expense of my own experience, given all the logistical and musical challenges at hand. Church members seemed to be at their best and worst during Christmastime, when emotions ran high, one way or the other. And most of all, as a single person for much of my career, being present at Christmas Eve services often meant that I forfeited Christmas morning with my own family, since I rarely lived near them. Waking up bleary-eyed and lonely on Christmas morning was normal.
One particular Christmas Eve was astonishing! I was to lead three Christmas Eve services, all with different content and music. So, I would leave the first service early in order to warm up the choir for the second service. Ditto for the second and third services. When I was in warm up, the decorative poinsettias in the sanctuary had been moved, and thus blocked the processional pathway for the choir. So, I moved ONE POINSETTIA to accommodate a path. During the third service, this action drew the wrath of my pastor. He reprimanded me quietly and harshly during the first hymn. All of this over a poinsettia! At that point, after an exhausting season, I was ready to quit, but didn’t really have the financial means to do so.
On my way out the door, well after midnight, one of my youth choir members handed me a CD of her school choir singing Handel’s “Messiah.” The skeptic in me thought, “Oh great. Now I must listen to a bunch of out-of-tune teenagers singing a work I’ve performed a thousand times. Lovely.” I tucked it in my purse and left the church depressed, hurt, and miserable.
On Christmas morning, I woke early, having slept only a few hours. I reached in my purse to retrieve that CD from the youth choir member. I popped it in, and do you know what happened? Christmas happened! The voices of young, vibrant people singing the quintessential Christmas work was refreshing and inspiring. I was so hungry to experience the season myself! This young lady gave me Christmas that year! It was if I had never, ever heard “The Messiah,” because the music was ministering to me!! That was a most joyful morning, and I was able to spend the rest of the day full of wonder.
We never know what impact we will have on other people. This 16-year-old girl probably didn’t realize she was giving me Christmas. It was an amazing gift! One of the silver linings of the pandemic is that, for the first time ever in their careers, church musicians everywhere will not experience the usual pressures of the season. They will not look out into a congregation of families gathered, while their duties keep them from their own families. I’m not saying that these services are not special, or that they should be abandoned. But, I am saying that there is always a downside for someone in just about every situation – even joyous ones. If we can all be aware of that downside, and minister to others who are affected, then Christmas can truly happen.
Today, I am able to spend Christmas with my family, and am always in the company of a loving husband. I appreciate these simple pleasures. “Hallelujah!”
