Doug Manning, author of Don't Take My Grief Away says, "Grieving is as natural as crying when you are hurt, sleeping when you are tired, eating when you are hungry, or sneezing when your nose itches. It is nature's way of healing a broken heart."
Later in his book he goes on to say, "A cut finger is numb before it bleeds, it bleeds before it hurts, it hurts until it begins to heal, and it forms a scab and itches until finally the scab is gone, and a small scar is left where once there was a wound. Grief is the deepest wound you have ever had. Like a cut finger, it goes through stages and leaves a scar."
And so, here we are, so many of us at different stages... but many who have experienced a deep wound. When we are in the middle of grief, we may be wondering, "How on earth am I supposed to get excited about Thanksgiving or Christmas?" Perhaps you feel as though the whole world has moved on and is focused on turkey and mashed potatoes or Christmas trees and jingle bells but you find yourself fighting the temptation to crawl up in a ball, pull the blanket over your head, and hide out until January. This just is not how you pictured the holidays this year. Disappointment. Aching hearts. Longing. Unfulfilled expectations. There are moments when everything seems fine, and then the next moment you find yourself in tears triggered by yet another wave of grief. Maybe it was a sound or a smell. Perhaps a song or just a memory that crossed your mind. You're simply trying to survive the day-to-day moments let alone handle the holidays when it will be a vivid and constant reminder that someone important is missing.
Scripture says that we do not grieve as those who have no hope. Today, I am not asking you to lay aside your grief and suddenly become jolly for the holidays. Instead, let us grieve with hope in the One who is bigger.
God is bigger.
Have you ever heard children in an argument end up talking about their dads? "Well, my dad is bigger than yours." "Oh yeah, my dad is SO big that...." Today, I want to remind us that Our Dad...our heavenly Father is bigger.
As I was preparing for a comfort service recently, I was drawn to the story of Lazarus. We find his story in chapter 11 of the book of John. Lazarus had two sisters; Mary and Martha. All three were dear friends of Jesus. This was the Mary who annointed Jesus' feet and dried them with her hair. She was the one who would sit at his feet and take in everything he said. Martha was usually rushing around taking care of all of the details to serve her Lord. At this point in the story, Lazarus had become very sick.
Grief-stricken, Mary and Martha sent word for Jesus to come. "Lord, the one whom you love is sick." Jesus was in another town teaching and healing. You may think that he dropped everything and rushed to be with his friends, but his reaction was a bit strange. He told his disciples that this sickness would not end in death and that God was going to use it to show His glory. And then.....He stayed put. He lingered longer before going which most likely puzzled some. After all, they had seen him respond quickly to others in need. Why would he delay in responding to the needs of those he knew personally and loved dearly?
Finally, after a couple of days, Jesus told his disciples that he was going to wake Lazarus up. Keep in mind that the disciples were not overly wild about going to Bethany which was close to Jerusalem. There had been people on their last visit who had threatened to stone Jesus. They were a bit fearful for their lives, so they took Jesus very literally when he said he would wake Lazarus up. "Wake up? Well, that's great that Lazarus is able to sleep! That's just what he needs. He'll sleep this illness off and will be as good as new in no time. So, we really don't need to go after all."
But Jesus knew what was going to happen. He knew that this was a critical time in his ministry. He knew that He would raise Lazarus back to life and that God would display His glory. But the people simply couldn't wrap their minds around this... even when Jesus very plainly said to the disciples, "Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him."
Martha heard that Jesus was coming, and she rushed out to meet Him. "Lord, if only you had been here my brother would not have died.... but I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask."
Whereas we often think of Mary being the one to imitate as she was the one who would linger at Jesus' feet, here it is Martha we see as one grieving with hope.
First, in her grief and pain, she goes to Jesus.
She shares her hurt and disappointment and perhaps some anger. "If only you had been here..."
God is bigger than our emotions. He can handle our tears and even our anger. In the last month I have had two people tell me about a comment they heard at a funeral over thirty years ago. The pastor told the people, "It's okay to tell God that you are angry...that this is unfair...that you don't like what is happening. He is big enough to take it."
Another friend recently told me that we need to be honest with God and that sometimes we try to be too polite to God. We mumble "It's okay" even when our hearts are screaming, "It's not okay." God is bigger. He can handle our emotions.
Martha then goes on to say, "But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask." She is remembering and declaring that He is bigger than what she is feeling at that moment.
We need to remind ourselves who this God is. How do we do that? We recall His faithfulness. One way that helps me to do that is to sing myself into His presence. At my deepest moments of grief I have often found myself alone at the piano. Singing to Him and about Him lifts my focus to how He is bigger than whatever I am facing. He is the same God who led the Israelites out of Egypt....who parted the Red Sea and the Jordan River so that they could cross on dry land. He is the same God who provided manna for the people in time of need. He is the same God who healed the blind and made the lame to walk. He has performed miracles over and over, and He is bigger than my pain. He is bigger than the mountains that stand before me. He is bigger than my enemies who threaten to hurt me. Even the winds and waves obey Him! He is the One who has proven to be faithful every step of the way, and He will be faithful even now.
As we approach Thanksgiving, we might not feel overly thankful at first, but let me encourage you to start listing out reasons for Thanksgiving to our God. I believe you will find that the reasons just keep coming.
The conversation with Martha and Jesus continues.
Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."
Martha answered, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day."
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies, and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"
"Yes Lord," she told Him, "I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, the Messiah, who was to come into the world."
She then goes and gets Mary who is surrounded by people trying to comfort her. She whispers in her ear, "The Teacher has come and is asking for you." Mary gets up and goes at once to find Jesus. Upon seeing Him, she falls to His feet and says much like her sister, "Lord, if only you had been here my brother would not have died."
When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" He asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied.
Jesus wept.
We serve a God who is powerful and who is bigger....but we also serve a God who is personal and loving. He gets it. He understands our deepest grief. It's okay to cry and let Him see our pain. He not only comforts, but He empathizes and feels our hurts much as a parent hurts when their child hurts. He is bigger than our pain.
You likely remember the next part of the story. Jesus orders for the stone to be removed form the tomb. Martha, ever practical Martha, says, "Um, Lord? It's already been 4 days....I don't think you want to do that. The smell will be unbearable."
I can just imagine Jesus shaking His head as He looks at her and says, "Did I not just tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"
Jesus calls out to Lazarus to come forth, and out walks Lazarus still in burial clothes...as healthy as can be.
Imagine being there. Imagine being Lazarus! God's glory had surely just been shown. I do not think you could have walked away unchanged. God is bigger than death itself.
Lazarus's story paints the picture of what would soon happen that makes this true. It is because of Jesus' death on the cross and His resurrection on the 3rd day.... because He paid the ultimate price for you and me... death does NOT have the final word. We can grieve with hope! We can find joy in the One who is bigger. Bigger than our deep emotions. Bigger than our pain. Bigger than our deepest wounds. Bigger than our questions. Bigger than our biggest obstacles. Bigger than our "if only's." Bigger than death itself.
It was very early on a cold and snowy Sunday morning in December when my mom's suffering on earth came to an end and Jesus welcomed her into heaven. Parts of what followed on that day are a blur, but there are some key moments that I remember very vividly. My family had just returned from making arrangements at the funeral home. We were quiet and all lost in our own thoughts. I will never forget my Dad looking at us and saying something that would have sounded absurd to some people but to us could not have been more perfect. He said, "I think we should go sledding." So my dad, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, and I all bundled up and headed to the mound. I watched my dad race by me headfirst on a runner sled with my niece Mackenzie riding on his back with her arms tightly wrapped around his neck. As I caught a look of pure joy and delight cross their faces, I sensed God speaking to my heart. "I see you. I know you're sad and you're hurting...but I promise joy WILL come again." And it has. He was right.
This may not be an easy Thanksgiving or Christmas for you. There will be changes. There likely will be moments when the pain cuts deep. I pray there will also be moments when joy peeks through. We can trust Him. He is bigger. We can grieve with hope.
