Standing on a bridge about to make the most daring leap of my life was never in my plan until that day and right then I had no idea why I was doing it, just that I needed to do so. They say that hindsight is 20/20 and I suppose that I would agree--at least it is more clear. It has been almost 6 months since that day and I see now that God was/is continuing teaching me to trust Him in all situations, to focus on His voice in a most intense way, and to respond when He speaks. That day just happened to be an extreme lesson, an intense crash course preparing me for some unknown things that were ahead...
When I’m not sure how to pray, I head to the book of Psalms. I love the transparent honesty of the writers, the willingness to “lay it all out there”, and the visible poetic transformation that occurs as God reshapes sometimes gut-wrenched offering into beautiful praise. I recently found myself reading, meditating, and praying Psalm 23. It began as a search for restoration for myself. “God, restore my soul, refresh my spirit…” Those pleas from my lips took me to the familiar words of Psalm 23 and I landed there. In fact, I “camped” there for over a week.
The first part of my “camping” in Psalm 23 was intercession on behalf of our future daughter-in-law’s father. I was on a plane, headphones playing my current favorite worship song, “I’m no longer a slave to fear...I am a child of God”, journaling Bible open on my lap, armed with art pencils, and pouring out my heart to God…”Father, please heal him. Hold his family close in your arms. Help us see your plan. Help us to trust you. God, this hurts!...”
In the margins that day, I wrote, “restore”, “I will not fear”, “He is with me”, and in bold, bright, colorful letters, “and I will dwell in the house of the Lord FOREVER.” Our plane landed. We received word that Kaylin’s father had gone to be with Jesus. And the conflicted feelings of sorrow over personal loss vs. the confidence and hope of another’s Heavenly gain that the grieving Believer experiences settled over me. Restore. I found myself longing for restoration.
24+ hours of flying gives one plenty of time for personal reflection. (and just so you don’t get a false impression--I also watched a couple of movies) I focused on the word “restore…” We arrived at our destination, a place of breathtaking beauty. I stood beside a crystal clear lake gazing at the mountains and heard the words, “He leads me beside still or quiet waters, He restores/refreshes my soul…” And I began to breathe deeply...breathing in the beauty of His creation and the comfort of His word and exhaling the burdens of this life.
The phrase of the Psalm that (looking back) I kept avoiding…was ”I will fear no evil”. You see, fear is something I wrestle with daily. It usually comes in the form of the “what if” game and things that are out of my control. (Hopefully my family is not reading this-pretty sure there would be some sarcastic comments inserted here-ha) And just when I think I have conquered it, fear rears its ugly head again. Trusting God with my fear is something I have to do over and over and over again. It was the end of the week and time for the activity that I was dreading most. Jeff and Adam really wanted to bungee jump. I did NOT understand this desire. I was afraid for their lives. I did not want them to do it. We really had stopped talking about it, though I knew it was going to happen. They signed up, paid, and I literally shook as I attempted to document the experience with video and camera equipment. And then the strangest thought crossed my mind, “You should do it. Don’t be afraid.” Who said that? I was certain at first it was just an irrational thought. And yet...the words kept coming. Until finally I was so certain of their Source, that I was more fearful of not responding than I was of jumping off of that bridge. Ugh. When the guys finally made it back, they told me there was no way I would be able to do it and I heard myself say, “Actually, I think I am going to. Where do I sign?” (picture the shocked faces waiting for the punch line) What happened in the following two hours stunned everyone, including me. To say God stretched me is true in more ways than one. It wasn’t until later that I was completely able to process it. I walked out on that bridge with determined focus, and yet I knew my own limitations. When it was my turn to approach the edge, I told the person who would be assisting me that I was fairly sure I would be not be able to make myself leap. So, I asked if he could just push me when it was time. Of course, that was not an option. What he said next, rang in my ears later as I considered the whole experience. He said, “Don’t think about all the things that could happen. Don’t listen to the voices that will be yelling, and they will be yelling at you. Just listen to my voice. When I say ‘go’. Just jump. “ And that is what I did.
Some of you are waiting to see if I am going to say that God is endorsing extreme sports. I am NOT! What I am saying is that the God we serve meets us right where we are--HE is extreme. HE left Heaven for US. God knew I had EXTREME fear about this one thing. I had thrown a fairly big fit about my fear of this “stupid” thing my guys wanted to do. I griped and complained and worried, but not once did I ask Him to help me with my fear. He knew, however, that FEAR was my problem, not the activity. He showed me that He can give me the strength to conquer the biggest, craziest fear ever. “I will fear no evil or any crazy extreme thing that life throws at me for He is WITH me.” (paraphrase mine) His strength IS perfect when mine is gone.
Friends, are you standing just on the edge of adventure? What “bridge/railing” are YOU clinging to? Are the voices of many choking out the Voice of the One who gives life to the fullest? Listen closely to His voice and respond. He may stretch you/us to the max--maybe even literally. (It could even hurt a bit) But we can REST in the fact that He is our Shepherd. We have nothing to fear, and because of Him, we lack for nothing. The best part...His promises have an ETERNAL LIFETIME GUARANTEE offered by no other.
**Since my “jump”, I have had to release familiar things that are quite dear to me and honestly gave me great “security.” While it has been very painful at times, the “waiting on the Lord” has been a sweet time of renewal. There are new service opportunities on the horizon and He has allowed me to be a part of helping to launch a new ministry. I am always humbled at how many ripples in the water of life one’s obedience, or disobedience can cause. How many times has my own fear not only kept me from knowing life to the fullest, but others as well? Is it possible that my decision to jump or not jump could have an effect on another’s situation? God is faithful. Adventure awaits...stop clinging and just jump!
Stay tuned for Part 3
